I’ve been holding back some very crucial, personal information for the last four months. Well first it was because I wanted to wait until I had passed the ‘danger zone.’ Then it was because I just didn’t feel ready to publicize it to the world and everytime I did end up writing a blog entry, I found myself writing about something else that wasn’t as important like my statistics class. Perhaps I was just trying to find the right moment to announce the news.
Anyway, enough of the hinting. I’m pregnant!
And yes, as the title hints, it will be the first Sabra in our immediate family, which is amusing and slightly intimidating because it means I am flinging my children into the throes of Israeli culture for better or worse. I don’t know how they will turn out, but with some good parenting, we’ll be able to steer them in the right direction so they can have the best of both worlds. They will probably make fun of our Hebrew when they get old enough, but if that’s the price of bilingualism, I am okay with that.
You might be wondering how I feel and what it feels like. I feel pretty good. I was lucky that I didn’t have the typical bouts of nausea that many a pregnant women suffer. I do have sterotypical pregnancy cravings like fried foods. I am really crazy about this Israeli crap snack called Bisli. One time I ate a whole bunch of pickles.
The main thing that has bothered me has been the fatigue–which I alluded to in previous entries in reference to school, but never fully clarified. Indeed the combination of commuting to school 4 days a week, learning in a Hebrew environment and pregnancy fatigue can be intense. Some weekends I barely moved from the couch unless I was doing some errands or yoga–which has really helped me stay limber and relaxed. Fortunately, now that I am in month 4, I think the fatigue is going away, although I hear it comes back when you are carrying around a lot more luggage :).
What does it feel like? Well it is WEIRD. It is weird to see my body changing. I feel like I am becoming a round ball, although I know I don’t look like one–yet. When I bend over, I feel my belly.
It is also weird to think that I am going to be a mother in about 5 months. What? That just doesn’t fit in with how I see myself. Me, a Mom???
It’s also scary. I think to myself. How am I going to DO this??? I don’t know what I am doing! And I’m going to be doing this while going to grad school. Am I freakin’ crazy??? At least I admit my lack of control now. I do know that there are many things that I don’t know, and also realize that I do not know what I do not know.
It’s very exciting and amazing and weird. I am literally growing a person inside me. That’s how I was born too. That is so weird.
And I am in love with this 4 inch being. I can’t wait to see what it looks like! I’ve had two dreams about it. I talk to it and hold my belly as if I were holding a real baby. Every time I see babies and little ones now I get really excited and want to squeeze them! Every time I see Eric I want to squeeze him too. I think all of these loveydovey vibes come from the hormones.
Okay, am I sharing too much info?