Where Have I Been?

Hi there! You probably thought I have dropped of the face of the planet. No not yet.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I haven’t wanted to write posts in the past few months. Let’s see, Bibi’s new government, the Obama/Bibi confrontation, the crappy Israeli budgetary process not to mention my own personal life would have provided ample sources of inspiration. But for some reason I’ve always gotten carried away with other projects. It might have to do with the fact that I am having a baby or that I am a lazy perfectionist.

Well to keep it simple, let’s just provide an update on my life. The political world can be left to the msm and other bloggers for now. So here goes:

1. University Life: I did very well on my exams from first semester. My results confirmed for me that this university thing is going to work out. I am even thinking of writing a thesis. Now if only I could figure out how I am going to study and take care of a baby at the same time. Mmm…

I also discovered by the end of my semester that I really enjoy what I am learning. Sociology is a discipline that I find interesting and also helpful in learning about Israeli society. Even statistics isn’t as scary as it was in the beginning of the year. I only hope that next year’s courses, which will focus much more on organizations will also be satisfying.

The only glitch from this semester  is that I somehow didn’t carry out an assignment for my quantitative research methods class the way I was supposed to. My final grade for the class was good, but I am still bothered by the fact that something was lost in translation after all the effort I put into the assignment. I think this has to do with the language barrier. Even though my Hebrew IS improving, there is always room for a misunderstanding. That is one of the immigrant fears, by the way: you are always afraid that you are missing out on something. Well at least I enjoyed the process and learned about something that interests me: the experiences of American immigrants in Israel. Next year I just need to clarify all of my assignments even if I think I know what I am supposed to do.

2. Baby Countdown

I have finally reached my ninth month of pregnancy. In the second half of the second trimester I really started showing and now I feel huuuge–although everybody says that I really am not that big. When I went back to school after exams lots of people exclaimed that they didn’t even know I was pregnant. Several students also took the liberty to rub my belly. I thought that would bother me, but I actually didn’t mind getting the attention!

I have become pretty attuned to my body, and I’ve watched myself become stiffer and heavier. Within the last couple of weeks my energy level has plummeted. The distances I could walk in second and the first half of my third trimester I can no longer walk. And now that it’s starting to heat up here, I really can’t stand being outside for very long. Which is one reason why I will be finishing up at school very soon.

With 3 weeks left, I have a serious case of the jitters. Several people in my family think that I am going to pop early. This irritates me because I honestly would prefer a little extra time to finish up all the loose ends. I feel like I am working against the ticking clock, and it doesn’t help that I would rather lie in bed the whole day. I am trying to get in as much semester reading as I can as well as read up on baby sleep, baby development and baby care because I know I won’t be doing much reading once the little one comes. I still have to stock up on food and extra supplies (for me and the baby) and I would like to squeeze in a couple of social visits/outings before that becomes out of the question. Who knows how much of this I will be able to accomplish.

Fortunately Eric has been great. He took the lead in cleaning up the baby room and driving us to get things to decorate it. We have gotten almost all of the baby necessities. (And no, we are not waiting for the baby to come and then get everything ready. I don’t believe in bad luck, and I also believe that trying to get stuff AFTER the baby is born will be nearly impossible–let alone taking a three minute shower.) I just need to order the stroller, which I have spent a ridiculous amount of time researching and agonizing over. Eric says he would have picked out something in a day, whereas I have taken several months. Yes, I agree with him that I have been a tad too slow on the stroller business.

Also we’ve managed to get in some lovely outings: a trip to Metullah (hello Lebanon), where we got to see the Golan flowers in full bloom, a spontaneous trip to Mitzpe Ramon, where we got to drive from lush farmlands to barren desert. Eric also had a conference in the Golan and I got to tag along. I swam laps in a pool that overlooked the Sea of Galilee. Not complaining!

In these final weeks I think it is important for me to develop a sense of compassion for myself. I shouldn’t get hard on myself if I don’t get into a cooking frenzy and freeze huge quantities of food or if I can’t finish the chapter on Foucault. I should just accept that things are not in my control–as if they ever were right? There are more important things to focus on right now–um, like the baby. And I it’s good to focus on the positive things as well as acknowledge how deeply terrified I am. As scary as becoming a mom is for me, I know that I am fully capable of doing it, and that I will love this little person to pieces and find him the most wondrous thing in my life.

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2 responses to “Where Have I Been?

  1. ah man…I just wrote you a long comment and it disappeared….ah well.

    Well, to summarize…..

    “As scary as becoming a mom is for me, I know that I am fully capable of doing it, and that I will love this little person to pieces and find him the most wondrous thing in my life.”

    This totally sums it up in a nutshell. You are going to be an amazing mother!!!! You and Eric are going to give this little person so much love and enrich his life.

    I know it seems like you are on a roller coaster countdown to the finish line, but if I had to do it over again, I would have tried to enjoy this period more. Every mom feels like you do at this stage of the game.

    I absolutely love being Max’s Mom and wouldn’t want it any other way. However, there is something to be said for being able to just take care of yourself all day and not constantly worry how your day to day actions will affect your child now and 5 minutes from now. You area always thinking of your baby, which is great….but also why you should take this time to enjoy just worrying about yourself!

    I recommend going out for a nice relaxing dinner with Eric. Take time to take a long bath (with our without Eric…ha!) and really try to just make time for YOU right now. I know there are a zillion things to get done now, but frankly there will be a zillion things to get done once your pal arrives, so try to enjoy just being you.

    That’s my advice having been there only 4 1/2 months ago.

    I’m so excited for you and know that you will find so much joy in your baby and your family! You are just going to love this experience so much and be so great at it!!!!!

    Lots of love……

  2. I second Dana’s comments… Only from the perspective of someone who is not there quite yet. 🙂 I’m looking forward to partaking of your wisdom & experience when John & I start this journey in the not-too-distant future.

    Despite professing to having “the jitters,” you sound quite serene, Becc! I have no doubt you & Eric will be fabulous parents, and only wish I could be there in person to meet your new addition. One of these days…

    In the meanwhile, lots of love and good thoughts, from 10 hours away!

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